Chapter 108 - Shared insecurities and kind strangers
There were two main events this past week that taught me some lessons I thought were worth sharing.
We’re all insecure
This morning, I had two conversations with two of the most important people in my life, and they expressed the same idea:
They were worried about their friendships and being left all alone.
Now, these are two people that I consider to be:
Interesting in the way that they live their lives
Confident and extremely hard-working with their work
Huge value givers in my life (and I assume in the lives of others)
To hear them be so open and forthright with their insecurities helped me realize something.
We are all dealing with our own doubts, whether about ourselves, our relationships, our work, or some combination of those.
The specific unease that they expressed is something that I’ve felt more than once over the last couple years.
When friends don’t respond to my texts, I fear that they don’t care about the friendship anymore.
When I don’t interact as often with people as I have in the past, I fear that we’re drifting apart irrevocably.
When family don’t get together for a long time, I felt that we won’t be able to pick up where we left off.
Now, one or all of those statements may actually be true. But I’ve found that, for me, it’s more often my mind creating a reality that doesn’t truly exist.
When my friends don’t respond, they’re typically busy living really cool lives or they may just be going through something tough to which they need to give their full attention (also, I am sometimes that friend that is bad at responding…).
When I don’t interact as often with people, it’s often because I’m focusing on bigger goals for the first time in my life or my loved ones are just pretty far away.
When my family doesn’t get together, it’s because we live on three different continents and the moment we do get together is like we never left.
So when in doubt, I’ve found that the best way is to bring those insecurities to the forefront by sharing them with friends, family, or my SO and letting them know how important they are to me.
All that said, I’ve also come to realize that sometimes relationships are meant to end.
Brian “Drew” Chalker wrote a poem about people being in our lives for “a reason, a season, and a lifetime”.
Sometimes we outgrow our friendships or they may outgrow us. Sometimes priorities shift and interests change. Sometimes we don’t even know what happens.
But with each relationship of mine that has drifted from current to past, two things have help me when I’ve felt lonely:
Gratitude: Thanking the person for being in my life for however long or short and for teaching me during that period.
An Abundance Mindset: Realizing that there are billions of people out there with whom we could possibly connect.
That may not alleviate the feelings of loneliness; they may be there for some time and it’s probably effective to acknowledge instead of ignore them.
But those two ideas can lead us to actually seek out more of the people and relationships that we desire.
Lessons from a flat tire
The world is more selfish than ever and everyone is simply out to help themselves.
If I believed what is out there on the news, on my social media feed, or in many Reddit threads, I think I would believe that statement to be true.
I’d then look out into the world with that perspective and find the evidence that I sought in the actions of others to confirm that belief.
But here’s the thing: I don’t believe that is true because of the acts from others that I see on a quite regular basis.
In fact, in the last three days alone, two complete strangers showed me how good, selfless, and helpful I believe the majority of people actually are.
This past Friday evening, I got a flat tire for the first time in my life.
I came a little too close to the shoulder when entering the highway, ran over something, and pop - my tire was destroyed.
After pulling into the nearest exist, finding a gas station, and calling Triple AAA (definitely recommend them after this amazing experience), a tow truck driver came shortly after my call.
The tow truck driver
It was 11:00 PM and I had never changed a tire in my life (well, still haven’t even until now hahahaha).
However, the driver who came didn’t judge me or ask questions in a condescending manner; he simply asked me for particular pieces of equipment in the car and helped me find them when I didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.
As we got to talking, I learned some things about him:
He works the 7:00 PM to 7:00 AM shift;
He got into cars at 2016 when helping out his step-father; and
His favorite part of the job is being able to help people like me in situations like this so that they can safely get on their way and on with their lives (his least favorite part is the rain).
In situations that are often stressful, possibly traumatic, and definitely inconvenient, he comes with a calm demeanor to quickly and efficiently solve people’s problems.
He helps people safely get home to their loved ones.
I cannot speak for how he handles his business all the time, but in our interaction, he showed complete professionalism, kindness, and helpfulness to a complete stranger.
Yes, I know that it’s his job and we could say, “That’s just how things should be”.
Maybe that’s true.
But even if that’s the expectation, I have such appreciation for people who make the active choice to have their actions match their intentions by providing truly excellent service that significantly helps others.
It’s people like that who are making this world a better place.
The tire sales associates
The next day, I drove to the tire shop to figure out the extent of the damage.
Knowing virtually nothing about cars, I went in having no idea if the tire could be fixed, if I needed to replace just one, or if I would have to change all four.
Essentially, I was putting my trust in the guys that were working there.
After they assessed the damage, they gave me a call with their findings and though I couldn’t verify it myself, it seemed like a super honest estimation.
In a situation where they could have exploited my ignorance and pushed me to get things that I really didn’t need, they shot it to me straight and gave me (what I found in my research later to be) good recommendations.
They showed themselves to be guys looking to do an honest job to help the people of our community.
And I believe that most people are actually like this.
They want to be helpful.
They want to be of service.
They want to do the right thing.
It may not be as eye-catching to report these things on the news or in social media, but there are still so many good people among the billions of us here on Earth.
If you’re striving to be one of those people, thank you and keep doing the dang thing.
❤️ Matt
📸 This Week’s Photo
Make this week the best week ever!
Written from: 🇺🇸Illinois, USA