Chapter 104 - What I learned *officiating my friends' wedding

Last Friday, I had the honor of *officiating the wedding of two dear friends.

Almost two years ago to the day, I hid in some bushes to shoot their surprise proposal so it was a full circle moment.

It was a destination wedding in Cabo San Lucas, México, 2,000 miles from Chicago, the city where I initially met the couple at work.

Traveling all that way for their special day was an absolute honor and taught me so much.

These are the top 6 lessons:

Lesson 1: No one cares about me

I don’t mean this in a self-deprecating way. It is just the truth of the role of the officiant.

All of the people didn’t travel all that way to listen to me speak or watch a presentation; they were there for a celebration of the couple.

The main reason that the feedback I received from the friends and family in attendance was so positive is because I kept that idea in mind during the entire process of writing the ceremony.

It’s also what I did better compared to the last time that I *officiated a wedding.

Back then, I tried too much to stick out when what it would have been better to blend in.

I tried to showcase my speaking skills when I should have been solely showcasing the couple.

I tried to make it about me when (rightfully) no one cared who I was on that day.

Lesson 2: Get feedback from the couple

This one is particular to process of officiating a wedding and is another thing I neglected the previous time I had this role in a wedding.

Before, I wanted the ceremony to be a surprise for the couple and for them to be wow’d when it was delivered, but that was led by the same mindset where I was focused on myself.

Sure, if the couple wanted it to be a surprise, I would obviously follow their wishes.

But by asking for feedback this time around, I was able to accomplish two things:

1. Make sure that the tone was exactly what the couple wanted for their special day.

2. Add in some phrases, words, and ideas that mattered to the couple.

After all, the day is 100% about them.

Lesson 3: Don’t abandon what got you to the dance

I wrote about this in a previous Museletter as a lesson from serving as my friend’s best man.

The same overall lessons applied to being in the role of officiant as well.

What got me into this position was not being funny or the life of the party; it was being heartfelt, genuine, and a good public speaker.

The parts of the ceremony that went well were when I leaned hard into the latter, and the parts that fell a bit flat occurred when I tried to do the former.

Lesson 4: Public speaking is such a powerful skill

When I first became interested in public speaking back in university, I had one main reason I wanted to learn the skill: To advance my professional career.

At that time, with my more narrow vision and lived experience as a teenager, I couldn’t foresee any other uses for becoming effective at talking in front of other people.

Now I see how silly I was back then.

Those years in my late teens and early twenties putting in the reps on stage, making plenty of mistakes, and having the bravery to do that over and over again were the reason that I could give this gift to my friends.

So if you aren’t a great public speaker now, put in some practice as you never know the opportunities that could open up down the road - both professionally and personally.

Lesson 5: Writing to speak is different than writing to…write

Making YouTube videos (even inconsistently) has helped me understand this concept.

The way that I would write an email for work or an essay that would be read by others is different than how I would approach a YouTube script or wedding ceremony.

Here are the main differences I’ve found:

1. Writing to write is more formal and complex while writing to speak is concise and to the point.

2. Writing to write needs to have careful punctuation and sentence structure to make sure the reader properly understands while writing to speak anticipates using pauses, pitch, tone, and volume to convey the idea.

3. Writing to write often avoids repetition to avoid redundancy since the reader can re-read the section while writing to speak more commonly uses repetition to make sure that the listeners understand the main points.

4. Writing to write relies heavily on strict grammar and punctuation while writing to speak often allows looser grammar like fragments and starting sentences with “and” or “but”.

What I found most helpful while writing the ceremony was stopping after every few sentences and saying the part out loud to make sure that it sounded natural.

Thank you, YouTube, for that lesson.

Lesson 6: You never know the impact you have on people

On January 31, 2024, I got this text from my friend, the groom.

I was at the gym and, if I’m being completely honest, I thought that I was being uninvited to the wedding (my guess was too many people had already said “yes” to the RSVP and I hadn’t yet responded).

It turns out, they wanted to ask me to officiate the wedding.

The request was totally unexpected because I didn’t realize that they saw me that light: as someone who had seen their relationship from the beginning and would be able to showcase their relationship well to their loved ones.

Lesson 7: Say yes and figure the rest out later

This was a once in a lifetime chance to serve my friends in this way.

Even though I felt a bit of fear and reluctance when I was asked, there was not a single moment that I regretted saying “yes”.

As I’ve gotten older, time spent in person with my closest friends has decreased. We’re able to maintain our friendship with regular calls, but these opportunities to be together for happy occasions are such a gift that I don’t take for granted.

Thank you to K and C for trusting me with your wedding ceremony and inviting me to be there for your special day.

You are such beautiful people and I’m blessed to be your friend.

❤️ Matt

*Technically I didn’t officiate the wedding because it would go against my Catholic faith to get ordained so they were already legally married, but the words and sentiments were all real 🥹

📸 This Week’s Photos

October 15, 2022: Hid in the bushes for this shot

October, 18, 2024: Churro > Cigar

Make this week the best week ever!

Written from: 🇲🇽Cabo San Lucas, México